Something has happened in the past few years. Something that I never anticipated nor even would have thought possible.
I've become a developer.
Not a good one, by any shot, but it seems to be what I'm doing now.
Something else has happened over that time. I think I've landed in something I would call a career. And, generally, I can explain what I'm doing when people ask and they understand and don't immediately start to question my life choices.
Not that my previous choices were bad, nor were they not career-worthy... perhaps I was trying to fit myself in the place I found myself in.
So what do I do?
According to my wife, I "pute", which typically includes the action of fingers going down in bulk towards the invisible air keyboard with the sound, somewhere between a laser and a squirrel being continually run over by a rollerblade. (Side note: I'm envisioning the sound, I do not have, nor do I wish to have any experience in hearing this sound in person, and I hope no one reading this does as well. Although annoying at times, squirrels are part of our ecosystem for a reason, so leave them be.) I've tried to explain what it is I'm attempting to accomplish and pretty quickly her eyes glaze over and I can tell I lost her around 4 words in.
So, to her, I "pute".
I'm currently working on a bunch of different items that when linked together, become a platform that other developers can use to make their lives easier. For a large multi-national company, first, the scale is fairly intimidating, and secondly, the amount of people who are waiting on my team of 8 people to deliver something tangible usually has me sitting back with my mind exploding. A typical day has me building test computers in the "Cloud", writing scripts to assist making my life easier in building these computers, writing code (that I don't fully understand, might I add) as a means to configure these computers, envisioning the future, and attempting to get my colleagues to cringe as I either mention the word "pipeline" or make up some Agile-sounding term and suggesting that the work being proposed is impacting the Sprint Matrix Threshold, or for the fun of it, letting out a phrase or screen capture that implies I'm increasing current scope.
How'd I get here? A few years ago, I was hired as Technical Writer into a group that didn't understand what Technical Writers were supposed to do. This left me with a lot of time to look over other people's shoulders (metaphorically, as I was 100% remote at the time) and pick up what they were doing. First up: I got to help figure out User Acceptance Testing for a new project. First thing I did when asked to do this: Google "User Acceptance Testing". Secondly, I started trying to create small scripts that would accomplish useful tasks on this new product, such as start and stop computers based on the the order in which they were added. LIFO (last-in-first-out) was one of my most-used terms for a while.
Eventually, I was recognized as someone who could do this sort of thing and moved out of the Tech Writer role into an Engineering role (yes, I don't have a ring, but this seems to be the norm for Tech companies). I was building servers for customers, re-configuring them, attempting to make life easier for everyone, and many more fun things until one day I get tapped on the shoulder and told I have the opportunity to try something slightly different. After a brief amount of internal panic, I said "yes", because I told myself that I'm not allowed to say "no" when this type of opportunity arises and am trying to stick to it as much as possible.
The last year has been a blur of trying to get my bearings and mass confusion (mostly due to a severe sleep deficit caused by change in the adorable tiny human that arrived in our almost a year ago), and many hours spent in car, train, or bus between here and Toronto. But, it's offered me a chance to learn, grow, and try a bunch of technologies that would have made life very much easier 10 years ago, and more that I have trouble getting my head around.
Some lessons from the year:
1. New things are hard. Don't give up when it seems like there are immediate brick walls.
2. If you're in the position to see someone with potential and take them along with you to help them grow, do it. I'm thankful for the person who took me along for the ride.
3. Commuting sucks, but being in person with your team is good. It's a trade-off. Thankfully, I like trains and have found some podcasts to keep me entertained.
4. Parenting is rewarding, despite not having more than a handful of solid sleeps in the past year.
18.1.19
24.6.16
on joining a cult
I'm not sure how it happened. One day everything was normal, but slowly it dawned on me. I'm in a cult.
Before, people were jerks and ignored you when you passed by on the sidewalk, even when you said hello. Now, you don't even need to say hello before they smile and start talking in your direction.
Before, I went through life missing the one thing that all members of this cult have. Now I see them everywhere.
Before, I was able to go on my merry way without having to worry about what I was carrying. Now I typically am carrying a bag full of something whenever I leave the house in certain company.
No, not a religious cult. Don't worry. I'm not about to drink the koolaid.
It's a more sinister cult. A cult that I unwittingly joined when I became a dog owner. People smile when they see the puppy jumping and wagging her tail. Dogs are everywhere, and I can approximately tell their age, at least general stage of life. I find I'm always carrying a bag of poo for most of my walks.
It was an observation I made shortly after getting Izzie, but now I see it moreso. I'm not sure if any other dog owners realize they are part of this cult. But they are. And there's no way out, it seems.
Sigh.
Before, people were jerks and ignored you when you passed by on the sidewalk, even when you said hello. Now, you don't even need to say hello before they smile and start talking in your direction.
Before, I went through life missing the one thing that all members of this cult have. Now I see them everywhere.
Before, I was able to go on my merry way without having to worry about what I was carrying. Now I typically am carrying a bag full of something whenever I leave the house in certain company.
No, not a religious cult. Don't worry. I'm not about to drink the koolaid.
It's a more sinister cult. A cult that I unwittingly joined when I became a dog owner. People smile when they see the puppy jumping and wagging her tail. Dogs are everywhere, and I can approximately tell their age, at least general stage of life. I find I'm always carrying a bag of poo for most of my walks.
It was an observation I made shortly after getting Izzie, but now I see it moreso. I'm not sure if any other dog owners realize they are part of this cult. But they are. And there's no way out, it seems.
Sigh.
23.6.16
on working from home
For the past 6 months, I have been working from home. That means at somewhere between 8 and 9 every morning I sequester myself into one of the spare bedrooms upstairs and spend the next 8ish hours typing away or talking to people on the phone using my fancy futuristic headset that reminds me of my call centre days.
I wasn't sure how I'd be able to cope going into this, but I can now say it's not so bad.
Still not 100% sold on this job, but it is getting better. I have some paths forward career-wise, but I will need to take certain steps to get there. It requires things that don't come naturally to me, like ambition, old fashioned gumption, and sticktoitiveness. I'm always up for learning new things. Sometimes it's harder to focus on those things that build your character, but after a few years of having a job I wasn't passionate about (although the people were great), it's something I have to try.
I wasn't sure how I'd be able to cope going into this, but I can now say it's not so bad.
- Flexible schedule.
- I can wear whatever I want, although I usually go through the morning routine of breakfast, shower, clean clothes before starting - it doesn't feel right when I skip any of that.
- No distractions... ok, maybe not so much.
- Lack of social opportunities - I've gone weeks between sojourns to the office, but it seems others in my group do the same.
- More distractions - In the winter I was trying to stop a squirrel from stealing my bird seed. Then we got a dog. A DOG!
- No one to keep an eye on you - I went to the office a few weeks ago and my boss was right behind me. I was much less distracted that day.
Still not 100% sold on this job, but it is getting better. I have some paths forward career-wise, but I will need to take certain steps to get there. It requires things that don't come naturally to me, like ambition, old fashioned gumption, and sticktoitiveness. I'm always up for learning new things. Sometimes it's harder to focus on those things that build your character, but after a few years of having a job I wasn't passionate about (although the people were great), it's something I have to try.
21.6.16
going to the dogs
For Christmas last fall, I put together a box that had a number of cue cards in it and gave it to R. On the outside, I wrote 2016 goals. On each of the cue cards inside, I wrote a goal I wanted to achieve with her in 2016. Things like:
So after doing some research, we decided on a breed and R started researching breeders. Finally we found one that had a Cockapoo puppy for a less than ridiculous price and R called to get her name on the list for the puppies that would be ready in June. Near the end of April, she got a phone call asking if we'd be interested in picking up a puppy in 2 days. And thus the goal was fulfilled. We welcomed Izzie (Short for Lady Isabelle Crawley - yes, we were watching Downton Abbey at the time) into our home.
Robin had a dog growing up, but this is my first dog. I never fully realized how much work it is to raise a dog. When you're visiting someone with a dog, you look at all the things they do as cute or somewhat annoying but you only have to deal with it for a short time. But when you own the dog, it's always there and everything can either be cute or annoying, depending on how you look at it.
Take for instance attacking feet as you walk. It's cute to see her pounce on your foot and wrap her legs around your leg while travelling across the room, yet annoying to have her biting your pants or, even worse, your toes. It hurts! Another example: whimpering when you leave the room. Cute that she misses you and thinks you've abandoned her forever, but annoying when it gets loud and piercing 2 seconds later and continues that way. We were heading out one night and encountered the neighbour on the way out the door. "I know that sound," she said. You can hear it from the road at times with the windows and doors closed. Perhaps this means we just need better windows that are more soundproof, but the separation anxiety is something that we'll need to work on.
So in the past 2 months, I've caught her going to the washroom inside countless times, been bitten, scratched, growled at, and barked at, but I've also been slept on, licked clean, had a constant tag-along, seen a number of cute behaviours, and had someone to keep me company while spending most of my workday at home alone.
R thinks I love the dog. I'm only admitting I don't hate the dog. Let's just call it a step in the right direction.
- Make our house our own
- Go on a vacation somewhere new
- Spend more time in our community
- Work towards welcoming newcomers to our country
So after doing some research, we decided on a breed and R started researching breeders. Finally we found one that had a Cockapoo puppy for a less than ridiculous price and R called to get her name on the list for the puppies that would be ready in June. Near the end of April, she got a phone call asking if we'd be interested in picking up a puppy in 2 days. And thus the goal was fulfilled. We welcomed Izzie (Short for Lady Isabelle Crawley - yes, we were watching Downton Abbey at the time) into our home.
Robin had a dog growing up, but this is my first dog. I never fully realized how much work it is to raise a dog. When you're visiting someone with a dog, you look at all the things they do as cute or somewhat annoying but you only have to deal with it for a short time. But when you own the dog, it's always there and everything can either be cute or annoying, depending on how you look at it.
Take for instance attacking feet as you walk. It's cute to see her pounce on your foot and wrap her legs around your leg while travelling across the room, yet annoying to have her biting your pants or, even worse, your toes. It hurts! Another example: whimpering when you leave the room. Cute that she misses you and thinks you've abandoned her forever, but annoying when it gets loud and piercing 2 seconds later and continues that way. We were heading out one night and encountered the neighbour on the way out the door. "I know that sound," she said. You can hear it from the road at times with the windows and doors closed. Perhaps this means we just need better windows that are more soundproof, but the separation anxiety is something that we'll need to work on.
So in the past 2 months, I've caught her going to the washroom inside countless times, been bitten, scratched, growled at, and barked at, but I've also been slept on, licked clean, had a constant tag-along, seen a number of cute behaviours, and had someone to keep me company while spending most of my workday at home alone.
R thinks I love the dog. I'm only admitting I don't hate the dog. Let's just call it a step in the right direction.
20.6.16
here we go... again
Last summer, I attempted a challenge where I was to do 15 minutes of something every day for 100 days. I decided that writing here was a great idea. So I started and tried and tried my hardest. I made it about 35 days before falling flat on my face. Partially because vacations got in the way and threw me off my groove, and partially because writing in a ridiculously hot apartment wasn't very appealing, but mostly because I gave up on the habit.
The challenge has surfaced again this year. And so I'm back. To try again. Writing. Things of substance. In the cell phone generation where thoughts to the world are 140 characters long, and your popularity is based on how many likes you receive, writing in a blog seems so 2004. Like the year when I started posting things on here. Yikes.
But anyway, I think I can do it. I have a tendency of making sweeping proclaimations about something and then falling hard. Fast. No more ice cream. Always getting up for a walk in the morning. Reading a new book every month. Fail. Fail. Fail. F.A.I.L.
But I'm sure can do it.
If I miss a day, it's not the end of the world. If write less than 15 minutes every day, it's not the end of the world. If the power goes out and I can't reach the Internet, it's not the end of the world.
I know I can do it.
One day at a time. One step on the road. One word ahead of another.
The least I can do is try.
The challenge has surfaced again this year. And so I'm back. To try again. Writing. Things of substance. In the cell phone generation where thoughts to the world are 140 characters long, and your popularity is based on how many likes you receive, writing in a blog seems so 2004. Like the year when I started posting things on here. Yikes.
But anyway, I think I can do it. I have a tendency of making sweeping proclaimations about something and then falling hard. Fast. No more ice cream. Always getting up for a walk in the morning. Reading a new book every month. Fail. Fail. Fail. F.A.I.L.
But I'm sure can do it.
If I miss a day, it's not the end of the world. If write less than 15 minutes every day, it's not the end of the world. If the power goes out and I can't reach the Internet, it's not the end of the world.
I know I can do it.
One day at a time. One step on the road. One word ahead of another.
The least I can do is try.
2.1.16
not another resolution post
OK. I lied. This is actually a resolution post, but not in the same way.
New Year's Resolutions and most people tend not to agree so well. January starts off in a flurry of adventure but then it fizzles fairly quickly to just another broken promise. But because it was to yourself, it doesn't count, right? I have a friend who actively avoids the gym for January/February because that's when the rush for those who have decided the new year is a time to get in shape go to the gym and then quickly forget that they decided it was a good idea to remain active. By March, attendance at the gym is back to pre-January levels and it's clear to return if you're a regular.
Resolutions are no more than habits you intend to either break or create. I resolve to eat less - the habit of eating when you're bored, sad, near a kitchen, by a coffee shop. I resolve to move more - the habit of sitting on your couch, laying in your bed, allowing your anxiety of looking stupid to other people get in the way of taking care of yourself. I resolve to talk to my family more - the habit of allowing your gaming to take your prime time, the habit of allowing your fear of what old fights might be rekindled when you pick up the phone, the habit of actively avoiding communication with the outside world.
For some reason January is the time when people think Resolutions must begin. New year = new you, perhaps.
About 18 months ago, I was sitting in a counsellor's office talking about something that was going on at the time (don't worry - I made it through and things are much better now). He asked me what changes I would like to make to be happier. The first, immediate, responses I gave were to move to a different place to live and to find a job that was different than what I had been doing for the better part of a decade. Makes sense - new setting for living and a more challenging work environment that allows for use of different talents and encourages the use of my brain in new ways. But then I did nothing about it. We stayed in the same, small apartment with management that didn't really seem to care that we lived there and were paying them money for a specific service, and at the same job, that was great for the people, but not allowing me to try new things and branch out in what I was capable of doing.
Those changed this year, despite not really planning for them, or making resolutions to see them changed. A flooded bathroom encouraged us to find a house. An unexpected call from a friend to apply for a job opening at his company encouraged me to go off on a tangent and try something new. It's still too early to see the outcomes of either of those moves, but it was the change I was hoping for 18 months ago.
After reading through Gretchen Rubin's book, "Better Than Before" twice this year (one time through the audio book and another through the paperback), which focuses on habit formation, it reminded me that habits don't need to wait until a new year to begin. The best time to begin is now - as she puts it, "When you're ready to begin, begin now."
And so I have some resolutions that I would like to work on, not because it's a new year, but because I know that things will be better off for me doing them:
So I'll try again, not only because it's a new year, but it's a habit that I'd like to form. And here we continue in the adventure that is life. Whee.
New Year's Resolutions and most people tend not to agree so well. January starts off in a flurry of adventure but then it fizzles fairly quickly to just another broken promise. But because it was to yourself, it doesn't count, right? I have a friend who actively avoids the gym for January/February because that's when the rush for those who have decided the new year is a time to get in shape go to the gym and then quickly forget that they decided it was a good idea to remain active. By March, attendance at the gym is back to pre-January levels and it's clear to return if you're a regular.
Resolutions are no more than habits you intend to either break or create. I resolve to eat less - the habit of eating when you're bored, sad, near a kitchen, by a coffee shop. I resolve to move more - the habit of sitting on your couch, laying in your bed, allowing your anxiety of looking stupid to other people get in the way of taking care of yourself. I resolve to talk to my family more - the habit of allowing your gaming to take your prime time, the habit of allowing your fear of what old fights might be rekindled when you pick up the phone, the habit of actively avoiding communication with the outside world.
For some reason January is the time when people think Resolutions must begin. New year = new you, perhaps.
About 18 months ago, I was sitting in a counsellor's office talking about something that was going on at the time (don't worry - I made it through and things are much better now). He asked me what changes I would like to make to be happier. The first, immediate, responses I gave were to move to a different place to live and to find a job that was different than what I had been doing for the better part of a decade. Makes sense - new setting for living and a more challenging work environment that allows for use of different talents and encourages the use of my brain in new ways. But then I did nothing about it. We stayed in the same, small apartment with management that didn't really seem to care that we lived there and were paying them money for a specific service, and at the same job, that was great for the people, but not allowing me to try new things and branch out in what I was capable of doing.
Those changed this year, despite not really planning for them, or making resolutions to see them changed. A flooded bathroom encouraged us to find a house. An unexpected call from a friend to apply for a job opening at his company encouraged me to go off on a tangent and try something new. It's still too early to see the outcomes of either of those moves, but it was the change I was hoping for 18 months ago.
After reading through Gretchen Rubin's book, "Better Than Before" twice this year (one time through the audio book and another through the paperback), which focuses on habit formation, it reminded me that habits don't need to wait until a new year to begin. The best time to begin is now - as she puts it, "When you're ready to begin, begin now."
And so I have some resolutions that I would like to work on, not because it's a new year, but because I know that things will be better off for me doing them:
- Read at least 6 works of fiction this year that I have not read before
- Go on a 1 hour walk at least 2 times per week
- Re-paint at least 2 rooms in our house to make the decorating style our own by May
- Learn basic electrical skills and put it to use by replacing two ceiling fans and three electrical sockets
So I'll try again, not only because it's a new year, but it's a habit that I'd like to form. And here we continue in the adventure that is life. Whee.
15.8.15
not a failure
Around two months ago, I shared my lofty aspirations to be part of the Do Over 100 days club, in which I would work on any one skill for 15 minutes a day over 100 days, amounting to 1500 minutes, or 25 hours of honing that skill. If you've been checking in daily to see my latest post, you might be somewhat disappointed. You see, I have neglected to continue this beyond the first few weeks. I was very excited to try something different and out the gate I was all over it. Then I took a day off. Then another. And eventually, we ended up at this point where it's been weeks since I last posted and weeks prior to that.
I'm not sure it really matters all that much to you, my loyal reader, seeing as blogging is so 2005, and here we are in two thousand fifteen. But to me, this is somewhat disappointing. My high hopes have come crashing down to reality. I sometimes think that maybe I'm not a writer and why would I continue to write? Maybe I'm meant to sit on the couch reading the same 7 news articles and transit/infrastructure message board posts over and over while Property Brothers is on in the background. And so, at this point, some would admit that they are a failure and then resign themselves to couch potato land.
But I'm not a failure. Sure, I'm the equivalent of two months behind on this writing challenge that I set for myself and then set up no accountability measures to ensure that I kept on going when the motivation to give it a try wasn't there. Sure, some of my posts have been more strain than content as I tried to force myself to get out a few more words until the timer in my head dinged at 15:00. Sure, there are about 4 people who read personal blogs by non-authors or screen personalities in the world [on a side note, check out Mayim Bialik's new website / blog Grok Nation for some fairly intellectual insight into her life as a child actress and now PhD holding Jewish actress.] But is this for you, my loyal reader? Or is this for me?
I think when I first started, this blog was a way to get people to like me. I was standing on the proverbial corner screaming - "Hey everybody! Look at me! I have thoughts! And an emo-sounding blog title. See? I can do things too!", but over time realized that I don't need this for people to like me. People will choose to like me or not like me for who I am, rather than what I do.
Since that realization, it has morphed into a way for me to process the world around me. I tend to get confused in the internal swamp that is my brain, so the ability to export some of those strands of thought onto a written format helps me process life, the universe, and everything.
And so, despite having fallen well short of the goal of writing for 15 minutes every day, I still have not abandoned my home on the Internetz [despite having my Geocities home killed off years ago. Oh geocities.com/heartland/2399, you will be missed.] And I don't need to believe that I'm a failure. Because I'm not. I'm human and life sometimes can make your loftiest goals harder to reach. But I will still keep reaching when I can.
I'm not sure it really matters all that much to you, my loyal reader, seeing as blogging is so 2005, and here we are in two thousand fifteen. But to me, this is somewhat disappointing. My high hopes have come crashing down to reality. I sometimes think that maybe I'm not a writer and why would I continue to write? Maybe I'm meant to sit on the couch reading the same 7 news articles and transit/infrastructure message board posts over and over while Property Brothers is on in the background. And so, at this point, some would admit that they are a failure and then resign themselves to couch potato land.
But I'm not a failure. Sure, I'm the equivalent of two months behind on this writing challenge that I set for myself and then set up no accountability measures to ensure that I kept on going when the motivation to give it a try wasn't there. Sure, some of my posts have been more strain than content as I tried to force myself to get out a few more words until the timer in my head dinged at 15:00. Sure, there are about 4 people who read personal blogs by non-authors or screen personalities in the world [on a side note, check out Mayim Bialik's new website / blog Grok Nation for some fairly intellectual insight into her life as a child actress and now PhD holding Jewish actress.] But is this for you, my loyal reader? Or is this for me?
I think when I first started, this blog was a way to get people to like me. I was standing on the proverbial corner screaming - "Hey everybody! Look at me! I have thoughts! And an emo-sounding blog title. See? I can do things too!", but over time realized that I don't need this for people to like me. People will choose to like me or not like me for who I am, rather than what I do.
Since that realization, it has morphed into a way for me to process the world around me. I tend to get confused in the internal swamp that is my brain, so the ability to export some of those strands of thought onto a written format helps me process life, the universe, and everything.
And so, despite having fallen well short of the goal of writing for 15 minutes every day, I still have not abandoned my home on the Internetz [despite having my Geocities home killed off years ago. Oh geocities.com/heartland/2399, you will be missed.] And I don't need to believe that I'm a failure. Because I'm not. I'm human and life sometimes can make your loftiest goals harder to reach. But I will still keep reaching when I can.
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