So I had a post written up on my perceptions of nudity and then decided that this was not the forum for those thoughts, so I deleted them. Now you'll never know if I want to be a nudist or not. (Ok, to avoid any confusion, I don't want to become a nudist.)
But that brings up another related concept: vulnerability.
With the upcoming end to my time at Emmanuel, I've been feeling a range of emotions from sadness to anger to frustration to confusion to grief, which I'm told is normal, expected, and even welcomed in this type of situation.
My largest frustration is the unknown as to what comes next. My comfort zone is being stripped away. Sure, I could probably go get a job making minimum wage flipping burgers in 2 seconds, but do I really want to do that? I thought I had my life figured out and a path charted, but since that fateful day not too long ago, my future is a blur yet again and I feel extremely susceptable to the changing of the tides or winds that might come my way. I have options of which career path I take, which some would look upon as a blessing, but it leaves me at a fork in the road.
My prayers as of late have revolved around how this sucks and I need God to be my anchor as I go through this season of my life. Where I end up a few years from now, and even a few months from now is a huge unknown. But for now, I trust in God's unfailing love.
21.1.12
16.1.12
today's fun fact:
"People do not walk around saying 'Hey, I got chlamydia.' "
Really? Wow, the things you learn.
The other interesting thing learned today is that my prof has a vagina doll named Vivian. That broke my brain a bit. And my innocence.
The next three classes include real life photos of reproductive organs. This isn't public school sex ed anymore.
Really? Wow, the things you learn.
The other interesting thing learned today is that my prof has a vagina doll named Vivian. That broke my brain a bit. And my innocence.
The next three classes include real life photos of reproductive organs. This isn't public school sex ed anymore.
14.1.12
an unexpected bump in the road (aka a post not about sex)
Last week I was informed that this would be my last semester at Emmanuel due to downsizing. My position, along with several others, is being eliminated.
Since then, my emotions have been up and down as I cope with this news and try to recalibrate my life to figure out what comes next. I've had some highs and I've had some lows, but most of all, I would say I'm still in a bit of shock.
I can't say I've ever experienced a loss that has affected me in the same way as this. I'm experiencing a time of mourning for the loss of part of my life that spanned 5.5 working years and 3 prior to that in a student capacity. I haven't looked up the stages of grief, but I'm sure I'm going through them.
The choices I make from here on in will be difficult as I have to begin (actually have begun) the job search process again. My memories from the last time I went through this remind me that it's not easy and not fun. I have a few months to get this figured out, at least.
Some things don't make sense and through my pain and tears I've had many questions. But through it all, I have to believe that God has something better for me; that this is a necessary kick in the pants encouraging me to move on; that my mourning will one day turn into dancing; and that through all God is faithful.
For now I sit in ashes.
Since then, my emotions have been up and down as I cope with this news and try to recalibrate my life to figure out what comes next. I've had some highs and I've had some lows, but most of all, I would say I'm still in a bit of shock.
I can't say I've ever experienced a loss that has affected me in the same way as this. I'm experiencing a time of mourning for the loss of part of my life that spanned 5.5 working years and 3 prior to that in a student capacity. I haven't looked up the stages of grief, but I'm sure I'm going through them.
The choices I make from here on in will be difficult as I have to begin (actually have begun) the job search process again. My memories from the last time I went through this remind me that it's not easy and not fun. I have a few months to get this figured out, at least.
Some things don't make sense and through my pain and tears I've had many questions. But through it all, I have to believe that God has something better for me; that this is a necessary kick in the pants encouraging me to move on; that my mourning will one day turn into dancing; and that through all God is faithful.
For now I sit in ashes.
13.1.12
research
This week's class revolved around the topic of Research Methods and sexuality. Freud, Pavlov, and more were discussed, as well as the ethics of watching people having sex for research. Needless to say, I don't have an urge to go out and get ethics clearance for that type of research any time soon.
I can't really say how many times I've heard a phrase that's made me look it up on the Internet only to find it related to something sexual. There's a Lady Gaga song that I heard in the past year or so focused around one term which I will not reproduce here which is in reference to something disgusting.
I guess sex sells... or something.
I liked my days of innocence, although they're long gone... if only to have them back for a day or two.
I can't really say how many times I've heard a phrase that's made me look it up on the Internet only to find it related to something sexual. There's a Lady Gaga song that I heard in the past year or so focused around one term which I will not reproduce here which is in reference to something disgusting.
I guess sex sells... or something.
I liked my days of innocence, although they're long gone... if only to have them back for a day or two.
10.1.12
think unsexy thoughts
I have been conditioned to think that sexuality is taboo and we're not supposed to think about it or act on anything revolving it outside of wedlock. To a certain extent, I would say that this is acceptable. However, there is a world of grey in our world which leaves me confused, feeling guilty over thoughts and actions that others would view as appropriate, and embarassed to even think about.
In some areas, the black and white is clearly defined. Take Internet sexuality for example. There are many websites in which you can look at things, hear things, talk with other people about things. I'm not very proud to say that I've gone down some of those paths in the past. Not anymore, and I hope and pray for the grace to continue to steer clear of those.
But there are other areas where the line is not so clear. What's the answer? Who knows. For now, I am interested in taking a more analytic view of the topic and will hopefully learn a thing or two along the way.
My church is starting a series on Sunday on Sexuality. Topics include :Sex, Single Like Jesus, the "M" Word, and The Homophobic Church. All of these can be considered grey areas to some whereas others will see it as black and white. Which way is the right way of thinking? Some consideration is requird.
In some areas, the black and white is clearly defined. Take Internet sexuality for example. There are many websites in which you can look at things, hear things, talk with other people about things. I'm not very proud to say that I've gone down some of those paths in the past. Not anymore, and I hope and pray for the grace to continue to steer clear of those.
But there are other areas where the line is not so clear. What's the answer? Who knows. For now, I am interested in taking a more analytic view of the topic and will hopefully learn a thing or two along the way.
My church is starting a series on Sunday on Sexuality. Topics include :Sex, Single Like Jesus, the "M" Word, and The Homophobic Church. All of these can be considered grey areas to some whereas others will see it as black and white. Which way is the right way of thinking? Some consideration is requird.
6.1.12
the sex talk
Originally, I was going to share the pearls of wisdom shared with me by my parents, but I've since decided that it may not be the best place to share this information. All I'll say is that during my teenage years, both my parents at one point in time or another said something to me related to sexuality and it was awkward.
So instead of potentially embarrass two wonderful people who raised me in a Christian home and gave me an excellent start to life and lots of support throughout the years, I'll share a bit about my feelings towards talking about this subject.
Talking about sex is awkward. Until recently, I didn't feel comfortable discussing anything surrounding this topic. Which probably is part of the reason why I feel I know so little. I remember having many youth group sessions devoted towards sex, but rather than give us anything that may be useful, we saw videos regarding why true love waits, courtship instead of dating, and why having sex isn't worth the risk of losing the good things in life, including chocolate milk (I don't remember which video this was in, but I remember seeing it multiple times). I remember the time that the youth leaders had to call my mother to get her permission for me to watch a video that was talking about the broad topic of sexuality, even though I was 18 at the time and could make that type of decision for myself legally.
I also remember having to go back into the classroom to get something in my 5/6 split class while the Grade 6's were having sex ed and the entire class staring at me and the public health nurse looking at me scornfully.
Becuase of the perception that good Christians don't talk about this sort of thing in an actual realistic way apart from sex is bad outside of marriage, I feel that I'm without much information that many others have received.
I can't say what I would say to my kids or any youth groups that I'm leading regarding this topic. I still feel somewhat ill informed regarding the whole thing. Even after this course, I'll probably still feel ill-informed, but hopefully a bit less so.
So instead of potentially embarrass two wonderful people who raised me in a Christian home and gave me an excellent start to life and lots of support throughout the years, I'll share a bit about my feelings towards talking about this subject.
Talking about sex is awkward. Until recently, I didn't feel comfortable discussing anything surrounding this topic. Which probably is part of the reason why I feel I know so little. I remember having many youth group sessions devoted towards sex, but rather than give us anything that may be useful, we saw videos regarding why true love waits, courtship instead of dating, and why having sex isn't worth the risk of losing the good things in life, including chocolate milk (I don't remember which video this was in, but I remember seeing it multiple times). I remember the time that the youth leaders had to call my mother to get her permission for me to watch a video that was talking about the broad topic of sexuality, even though I was 18 at the time and could make that type of decision for myself legally.
I also remember having to go back into the classroom to get something in my 5/6 split class while the Grade 6's were having sex ed and the entire class staring at me and the public health nurse looking at me scornfully.
Becuase of the perception that good Christians don't talk about this sort of thing in an actual realistic way apart from sex is bad outside of marriage, I feel that I'm without much information that many others have received.
I can't say what I would say to my kids or any youth groups that I'm leading regarding this topic. I still feel somewhat ill informed regarding the whole thing. Even after this course, I'll probably still feel ill-informed, but hopefully a bit less so.
4.1.12
why i'm taking this course
My Intro to Human Sexuality course starts this afternoon. I've been asked a few times why I'd consider taking this course instead of any other course. I've asked myself this question a few times.
1. Being the good Christian that I was in grade 6, I decided that I shouldn't be forced to learn about this stuff. Because all Christians are definetely going to wait until marriage to partake in anything regarding the opposite gender and don't need to know about what happens below the belt. This attitude continued into Grade 7, 8, and 9 as those were the years we had our standard Sex Ed talks in school. [EDIT: I did not skip Sex Ed. I just refused to pay close attention]
2. I have limited experience in this area. I have held out to date and with Gods help I will be able to make it until marriage this way cometh. (No rush.) I figure it might be useful to know a bit more about the subject so I'm not walking into it blindly whenever that day may come. I've had a few questions that I honestly didn't know the answer to and wasn't willing to Google for fear of finding things I didn't want to see. I used my textbook to answer a few of them, but there are more that remain unanswered.
3. My ignorance in this area has spawned encouragements from others for me to learn more about the human body and embrace it as a thing of beauty rather than being ashamed of the anatomy I've been given and characteristics it has. There are still some words I cannot say without feeling ashamed of saying them.
Next up: The Sex Talk.
1. Being the good Christian that I was in grade 6, I decided that I shouldn't be forced to learn about this stuff. Because all Christians are definetely going to wait until marriage to partake in anything regarding the opposite gender and don't need to know about what happens below the belt. This attitude continued into Grade 7, 8, and 9 as those were the years we had our standard Sex Ed talks in school. [EDIT: I did not skip Sex Ed. I just refused to pay close attention]
2. I have limited experience in this area. I have held out to date and with Gods help I will be able to make it until marriage this way cometh. (No rush.) I figure it might be useful to know a bit more about the subject so I'm not walking into it blindly whenever that day may come. I've had a few questions that I honestly didn't know the answer to and wasn't willing to Google for fear of finding things I didn't want to see. I used my textbook to answer a few of them, but there are more that remain unanswered.
3. My ignorance in this area has spawned encouragements from others for me to learn more about the human body and embrace it as a thing of beauty rather than being ashamed of the anatomy I've been given and characteristics it has. There are still some words I cannot say without feeling ashamed of saying them.
Next up: The Sex Talk.
2.1.12
the textbook
And here's awkward post number one:
The textbook I'm using for the course I'm taking this fall can be found here.
The cover alone is the main reason why I'm not taking it with me to work and why it spent the entire Christmas holiday at home in my back seat face down.
Next post: reasons why I'm taking this course.
The textbook I'm using for the course I'm taking this fall can be found here.
The cover alone is the main reason why I'm not taking it with me to work and why it spent the entire Christmas holiday at home in my back seat face down.
Next post: reasons why I'm taking this course.
1.1.12
happy new 2012
It's 2012! I celebrated by watching 30 Rock with some friends and missing the midnight mark by about 3 minutes. Life gets that exciting.
This semester I've decided to take Intro to Human Sexuality at University of Waterloo for various reasons, mostly to learn more about an area in which I feel greatly ill-informed about. I hope to post here while I process some of the concepts that come across in this course. Should be sufficiently awkward.
Looking forward to it.
This semester I've decided to take Intro to Human Sexuality at University of Waterloo for various reasons, mostly to learn more about an area in which I feel greatly ill-informed about. I hope to post here while I process some of the concepts that come across in this course. Should be sufficiently awkward.
Looking forward to it.
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