The big day is on the horizon, as in just over a month away. This scares me a bit. Routines, of which I'm a big fan of, are going to dramatically change.
I think I've fallen into the trap of thinking that the future Mrs. will be fine with how I do things so I don't need to adapt at all. Through many conversations, and actually thinking about that statement for more than 2 seconds, I realize this is not going to be the case. I will have to change how things work at home and beyond. In recent conversations, which have included statements like "we'll just keep my single bed and you can move in with me" and "that needs to go. It's ugly." I would venture to say that the expectation of not wanting to change or adapt to how the other person does things goes both ways.
I've written before about how I hate change and letting go is sometimes hard for me. I'm trying to keep an open mind. And it's helping as I purge things I don't necessarily need anymore. But the conversations over things I think are practical, despite not looking "pretty" and the the things she thinks are "pretty" but I don't necessarily think are practical are just ramping up and both of us will need to be willing to let go of some ideals and compromise on others in order to make it work.
The process of becoming one is a tension between truly giving yourself to the relationship and trying to create a new life together while not giving up the things that make you who you are, including interests, hobbies, mannerisms, ways of decorating, ideas about how things work, view of the world. and more.
Each of these aspects will not come immediately, but that's why we're in it til death do us part.
I'm reminded of the song I sang at Bible Club while growing up:
He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took just a week to make the moon and the stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient he must be
Cause He's still working on me.
I'm far from perfect, but each day gives me another chance to grow.
11.4.14
fifty
In high school, there was a guy who people called Fifty. The rumour as to how he got the name was that someone in an older grade was walking down the hallway counting people and this guy just happened to be number 50. No other significance, but the name stuck.
When I refer to fifty, it is the number of days left between now and May 31. How does that make me feel? A bit stressed because there is a lot to be done between now and then. A bit nervous, because on that day the "me" I've had to live with all my life permanantly becomes a "we" and all my quirks - positive and negative - are laid out for this person to see, regardless of if she asked to see them. A bit tired, mostly because I've been looking up jet lag remedies and the likelihood that I'm going to spend the entire honeymoon getting over jetlag. I've heard melatonin is an option to help, but my reading suggests otherwise, mind you from a site that is selling another product.
Other things I've been doing to prepare myself, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally:
Mentally: I've started referring to the place I live as "Our apartment" instead of "My apartment" because we'll be living there together for at least a few months. My hope is to make it feel that way. I'm also trying to figure out potential pitfalls before they happen. I won't catch everything, and there's no way of ensuring the things I've considered will come into play at the right time, but awareness is better than ignorance.
Physically: Sleep studies, CPAP machines, chiropractor, and core and ab routines, along with taking advantage of the beautiful weather we've had this week and going for a walk every day at lunch. Am I going to be in perfect shape by then? No. But what is perfect shape? My hope is to be healthier and be able to survive the night without being suffocated by my wife who is annoyed with my snoring.
Emotionally: I've been reading (listening) to The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I think I know what "fills my love tank" (excuse the really cheesy phrase - it's in the book and makes sense) and what fills the future wife's tank.
Spiritually: Read your Bible, pray every day and you'll grow, grow, grow... I'm 81% of the way through the Bible in a Year on the Bible app on my phone. I started it last May and have been moreorless consistent with reading it. I'm hoping to be finished by the end of May. Barring the day-to-day caveats of the law and the lists of numbers and names in Chronicles, I've read everything. This is the first time I've read the Major and Minor prophets in their entirety... ever. Go Bible College graduate! Have I remembered everything? No, but it's a good challenge.
I'm also reading various blogs and articles on what it means to honour God with your marriage. There's a lot of lessons learned out there by various people, so maybe I can glean something from someone. We'll see.
But for now, off to keep chipping away at the list of things to do and prepare for when the countdown is over.
When I refer to fifty, it is the number of days left between now and May 31. How does that make me feel? A bit stressed because there is a lot to be done between now and then. A bit nervous, because on that day the "me" I've had to live with all my life permanantly becomes a "we" and all my quirks - positive and negative - are laid out for this person to see, regardless of if she asked to see them. A bit tired, mostly because I've been looking up jet lag remedies and the likelihood that I'm going to spend the entire honeymoon getting over jetlag. I've heard melatonin is an option to help, but my reading suggests otherwise, mind you from a site that is selling another product.
Other things I've been doing to prepare myself, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally:
Mentally: I've started referring to the place I live as "Our apartment" instead of "My apartment" because we'll be living there together for at least a few months. My hope is to make it feel that way. I'm also trying to figure out potential pitfalls before they happen. I won't catch everything, and there's no way of ensuring the things I've considered will come into play at the right time, but awareness is better than ignorance.
Physically: Sleep studies, CPAP machines, chiropractor, and core and ab routines, along with taking advantage of the beautiful weather we've had this week and going for a walk every day at lunch. Am I going to be in perfect shape by then? No. But what is perfect shape? My hope is to be healthier and be able to survive the night without being suffocated by my wife who is annoyed with my snoring.
Emotionally: I've been reading (listening) to The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I think I know what "fills my love tank" (excuse the really cheesy phrase - it's in the book and makes sense) and what fills the future wife's tank.
Spiritually: Read your Bible, pray every day and you'll grow, grow, grow... I'm 81% of the way through the Bible in a Year on the Bible app on my phone. I started it last May and have been moreorless consistent with reading it. I'm hoping to be finished by the end of May. Barring the day-to-day caveats of the law and the lists of numbers and names in Chronicles, I've read everything. This is the first time I've read the Major and Minor prophets in their entirety... ever. Go Bible College graduate! Have I remembered everything? No, but it's a good challenge.
I'm also reading various blogs and articles on what it means to honour God with your marriage. There's a lot of lessons learned out there by various people, so maybe I can glean something from someone. We'll see.
But for now, off to keep chipping away at the list of things to do and prepare for when the countdown is over.
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